We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
