I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
