I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
