It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
one might say we're banned from that church
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
