his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
