Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
