Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
