i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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