but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
