My sheets look like a crime scene.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
