I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
whose parrot is this?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
