tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
