Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
