I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
