yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
