I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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