By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
