She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
