Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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