Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
