i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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