I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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