In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
