Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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