She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
