Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
