What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
