when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
