The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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