I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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