How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
