Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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