I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
