He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Floor bacon is actually really good
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
