I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
