I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
