Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
