i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She said her name was "party"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
