Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
