Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
