what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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