yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
