I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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