just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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