Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
