Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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