You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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