My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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