Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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