Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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