At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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